Feb 13, 2010
Today dad visited me. He invited me to go shopping, and after we visited some shops, I realized that I don't feel like buying any clothes. We just bought some oranges and a pizza,which I shared with Nicoleta and Madalina as well.
I haven't eaten pizza in a while. It reminded me of the huge pizza we bought when Derik was here...
I told him that I need a passport and he explained to me everything I need to get it. He also wanted to know how much the ticket will cost, which means that he's really serious about it.
But I have a problem.
My sister and mom need money for some medical problems and I need money to go to Belgium. Dad doesn't have the greatest salary ever.
Now I'm asking myself: what do I do? What is more important? Can we handle both of them? I want to visit my boyfriend, I miss him so much and if I don't visit him this summer, I don't know what will happen with us...
Dad told me not to tell mom about the passport. I understand. I'm so thankful to him for everything he has done and is currently doing for me. I just want to know if he can handle this, but I'm so afraid to ask him...
broken roses
Jan 25, 2010
Why are you trying to be someone else? Why are you lying to yourself? Can't you see? Being like that... For what? Who are you trying to impress? Do you think you look prettier? Cuter? More beautiful? Sexier? More attractive? Maybe... probably... yes...
Yes, you are right, I'm doing it. Just to make me feel better about myself, having to believe something that is not true. I wonder if it's good like this. Well I feel better. I don't know about the others. They probably like it more than the real me. I personally do.
You're being so selfish, trying everything just to find some fake peace... misery...
I know, and I accept it.
You're so weak...
Please, I don't want to know that... Lying to myself is all I've got left. It gives me an apparent strength...
Liar...
broken roses
Jan 22, 2010
What do you do when you're lost and alone? You can't call anyone's name, you can't feel anyone's warm, secure hug, you just fall into the deep, dark, cold loneliness, where only you can save yourself... or try to...
How can you decide on something that affects everyone around you?
What do you choose between your happiness and someone else's happiness?
Do you think you can choose? Yes, you can. You just have two options: you either destroy your dream, or theirs. Do you think you can do that?...
Humans are funny. They're always thinking that they're helping others but in fact they're just being selfish like everyone else in this world, they just don't know it. And the day they find it out, it'll be too late. We can't change it.
Sometimes I wish I could turn into dust and let myself be carried by the wind's ephemeral arms. I would like to go anywhere, but not here. I would feel so free, having nothing to care about, nothing to worry for.
But everything is just a dream, an illusion that doesn't last for too long, like any other dream of mine.
And here I am, awake, alone, staring at this broken dream...
broken roses
;;
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