Jan 25, 2010
Why are you trying to be someone else? Why are you lying to yourself? Can't you see? Being like that... For what? Who are you trying to impress? Do you think you look prettier? Cuter? More beautiful? Sexier? More attractive? Maybe... probably... yes...
Yes, you are right, I'm doing it. Just to make me feel better about myself, having to believe something that is not true. I wonder if it's good like this. Well I feel better. I don't know about the others. They probably like it more than the real me. I personally do.
You're being so selfish, trying everything just to find some fake peace... misery...
I know, and I accept it.
You're so weak...
Please, I don't want to know that... Lying to myself is all I've got left. It gives me an apparent strength...
Liar...
broken roses
Jan 23, 2010
The sun will always rise. Every morning, every day, after every rain, he'll be on the sky shining and warming up the Earth.
You are my sun, my Earth, the air that I breathe, the water that I drink. Without you, I have no reason to live. That's why, please, don't make my life become useless. Please stay with me and show me what real happiness is. Show me that the world can be better. Show me the sound of heaven. Teach me the words of love by letting them lie on my heart.
Don't let the cold wind get into our warm spring. Don't let others take what we've build over time. Don't let them take us apart. Don't let time or space turn us into strangers.
Let's show the world what we can do, what we can realize and build by only loving each other. Let's not make them believe that we're only two leaves that are randomly falling together, but two birds that found their wings and built a nest of love and happiness together.
Our dreams met, our feelings found each other after a long time of waiting. We are now together, as we were meant to be. Together, body and soul.
So let's make this love last for ever and let's prove the world that soul mates exist.
Ek is lief vir jou, Derik ten Napel.
broken roses
Jan 22, 2010
What do you do when you're lost and alone? You can't call anyone's name, you can't feel anyone's warm, secure hug, you just fall into the deep, dark, cold loneliness, where only you can save yourself... or try to...
How can you decide on something that affects everyone around you?
What do you choose between your happiness and someone else's happiness?
Do you think you can choose? Yes, you can. You just have two options: you either destroy your dream, or theirs. Do you think you can do that?...
Humans are funny. They're always thinking that they're helping others but in fact they're just being selfish like everyone else in this world, they just don't know it. And the day they find it out, it'll be too late. We can't change it.
Sometimes I wish I could turn into dust and let myself be carried by the wind's ephemeral arms. I would like to go anywhere, but not here. I would feel so free, having nothing to care about, nothing to worry for.
But everything is just a dream, an illusion that doesn't last for too long, like any other dream of mine.
And here I am, awake, alone, staring at this broken dream...
broken roses
Jan 21, 2010
Feelings are like raindrops: a multitude of them, always different and never alike. Sometimes they're weird, sometimes they're funny, happy and sad, melancholic and active and they have lots and lots of shapes and colors.
I was never too emotional because I never had to. Feelings were not made for me. I just don't like showing them, probably because I've always been a very quiet person who didn't have too many friends. But that changed over time and I started getting more and more friends until the end of the 8th grade, when I had to leave all of them and go to high school. but there I met other friends and other friendships started, which will end at the end of the 12th grade and so on. But oh well...
Life is pretty short and we must live it at full capacity, something that i don't really do. I'm the lazy-type boring person which doesn't do much with her life. Yeah, I have goals like becoming a psychologist and having a nice career, I want to learn dutch and move to Belgium to live with my boyfriend, but sometimes I feel that everything is useless. Maybe it's because I'm a teenager and I still don't know what I want.
I often wonder how my future is going to be. Will it be a bright one or will I just be an average person that no one heard of? I'll just have to wait and see...
Until then, I'll just live my life...
broken roses
O seara ametitor de calda. Intr-un fel, m-am saturat de vara, insa toamna si frunzele galbene ma fac melancolica. Prefer sa ma ascund in sfarsitul amarui al lui august, unde totul incremeneste.
Cam dramatica ziua aceasta, dar ce sa-i faci? Viata merge mai departe si fara compania unui prieten. Urc in liniste scarile, uitandu-ma nicaieri special. Sa fie acesta sfarsitul? Voi afla maine, acum sunt prea obosita sa ma relaxez.
Scartaind silentios, deschid usa ce duce spre mansarda. Ca de obicei, liniste totala. Imi place aici, ma pierd usor in micimea camerei aproape goale. Ferestruica din fata mea arata la fel ca ieri: mica si rotunda, forma caracteristica, de altfel, unei mansarde.
Imi amintesc de copilarie, sau incerc, lucru destul de greu, dat fiind faptul ca multe amintiri au disparut in viteza timpului ce nu vrea sa se opreasca macar o clipa, doar un moment, sa ma pot bucura si eu de liniste. Dar cred ca mansarda e destul de buna, e locusorul meu privat unde nimeni altcineva nu exista, doar cartile mele colectionate de-a lungul a saisprezece ani si vreo doua portocale pe o masuta, probabil de la bunica.
Cartile mele...sunt cam prafuite acum. Am uitat de mult de ele, fiind inlocuite de prieteni ceva mai reali, dar nu mai buni. Macar stiu ca ele nu ma vor parasi niciodata...sau rani... Cine stie, poate voi incepe sa citesc din nou, candva, dar...cine stie... In momentul de fata, nu stiu mai nimic. Nici nu vreau sa stiu. Vreau doar sa uit, sa ma acopar in mii de straturi de uitare dulce si amara, vreau sa gust linistea eternitatii nesfarsite invelita cu o coala alba.
Dar visul meu nu poate dura mult fiindca eu nu pot rezista lui. Daca ar fi sa analizez aceasta situatie, as realiza ca nu am rezolvat nimic. Sunt tot aici, singura, uitandu-ma pe geam. incercand sa urmaresc linia vietii mele de acum vreo doua saptamani, dar nu o gasesc. Ciudat lucru! Dar nu-mi pasa...
Mi-am dat seama ca e cald si as vrea sa deschid ferestruica, dar nu are rost, ca mai nimic din ce fac in ultima vreme, lucru ce parintilor mei li se pare intolerabil. Si inca o data, nu-mi pasa...
Poate sunt la varsta "cu probleme", cand nu stii cine esti, nici ce vrei, cand nu poti deosebi mai nimic si totul este indescifrabil. Poate asta e problema mea, avand in vedere ca am saisprezece ani si nici-un vis...
Dar e sfarsit de vara si nu-mi pasa...
Cam dramatica ziua aceasta, dar ce sa-i faci? Viata merge mai departe si fara compania unui prieten. Urc in liniste scarile, uitandu-ma nicaieri special. Sa fie acesta sfarsitul? Voi afla maine, acum sunt prea obosita sa ma relaxez.
Scartaind silentios, deschid usa ce duce spre mansarda. Ca de obicei, liniste totala. Imi place aici, ma pierd usor in micimea camerei aproape goale. Ferestruica din fata mea arata la fel ca ieri: mica si rotunda, forma caracteristica, de altfel, unei mansarde.
Imi amintesc de copilarie, sau incerc, lucru destul de greu, dat fiind faptul ca multe amintiri au disparut in viteza timpului ce nu vrea sa se opreasca macar o clipa, doar un moment, sa ma pot bucura si eu de liniste. Dar cred ca mansarda e destul de buna, e locusorul meu privat unde nimeni altcineva nu exista, doar cartile mele colectionate de-a lungul a saisprezece ani si vreo doua portocale pe o masuta, probabil de la bunica.
Cartile mele...sunt cam prafuite acum. Am uitat de mult de ele, fiind inlocuite de prieteni ceva mai reali, dar nu mai buni. Macar stiu ca ele nu ma vor parasi niciodata...sau rani... Cine stie, poate voi incepe sa citesc din nou, candva, dar...cine stie... In momentul de fata, nu stiu mai nimic. Nici nu vreau sa stiu. Vreau doar sa uit, sa ma acopar in mii de straturi de uitare dulce si amara, vreau sa gust linistea eternitatii nesfarsite invelita cu o coala alba.
Dar visul meu nu poate dura mult fiindca eu nu pot rezista lui. Daca ar fi sa analizez aceasta situatie, as realiza ca nu am rezolvat nimic. Sunt tot aici, singura, uitandu-ma pe geam. incercand sa urmaresc linia vietii mele de acum vreo doua saptamani, dar nu o gasesc. Ciudat lucru! Dar nu-mi pasa...
Mi-am dat seama ca e cald si as vrea sa deschid ferestruica, dar nu are rost, ca mai nimic din ce fac in ultima vreme, lucru ce parintilor mei li se pare intolerabil. Si inca o data, nu-mi pasa...
Poate sunt la varsta "cu probleme", cand nu stii cine esti, nici ce vrei, cand nu poti deosebi mai nimic si totul este indescifrabil. Poate asta e problema mea, avand in vedere ca am saisprezece ani si nici-un vis...
Dar e sfarsit de vara si nu-mi pasa...
broken roses
Jan 20, 2010
My life is...uhm..nice I guess. I'm not complaining.
Sure, there are lots of ups and downs, but that's how the cookie crumbles [Derik's line ^^].
I can't wait for summer!!! It'll be the best summer ever!!! I'll be in his arms again, holding his warm body against mine, kissing his sweet lips and whispering him how much I love him.
There's nothing better than being with your soul mate, the one that completes you, your other half.
I often wonder if I'm a good person... I'm not the one that can say this, it's the others. But since I don't really communicate with other people...uhm...they can't really say anything about me. Well I don't care anyway.
I never enjoyed sharing my life with other people, that's why I never had too many friends. But who cares? I only need one person: Derik. He is both my lover and my best friend, he is everything I need, everything I want, everything I wish for. And I'm happy. So incredibly happy.
Thank you, liefste Derik.
broken roses
Jan 19, 2010
Life is weird sometimes...
Not only that you can find the love of your life on the Internet, but you can also get to live in an apartment with two friends and no parents...
It sounds wonderful, huh? That's what I thought and... was I wrong or right? Only time can decide.
I'm happy with what I have now but I can't say that I don't wish for more. I do, but I'm patient. I was forced to do it and I guess it's a good thing.
But let's think about good things like my boyfriend, Derik.
Since I met him, my life has changed in a wonderful way.Thanks to him, I can say that I am truly happy.
His gorgeous eyes, his adorable smile, his great personality, his sweet random giggles make him perfect in any possible way. He is the one that I can finally call "my life partner", my hope, my necessity, my wish...
My everything...
Thank you
broken roses
;;
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